Some days, its tough.
Like im driving home and all of a sudden a wave of emotions hit me and im left feeling empty. I want to cry but i make myself pull it together because I want to get home and out of friday nights traffic.
Its a horrid feeling, im not sure exactly when this will go away and the random outbursts of emotions creep up on me out of nowhere.
Its to be expected. It would have been 5 years since we officially dated and i truly loved him, really believed in our forever after story and i really thought we were happy.
To have the rug pulled from my feet, i think under the circumstances, im doing okay.
I just wished, i could have better control of my emotions but im no robot.
I have to try to distract myself with other thoughts like - imagining myself winning the lottery.
I cant bring myself to think of being with someone else because then i start to feel lonely realizing 6mths on, he's moved on and im still in this emotional rut.
Lifes not fair, but thats how life goes right?
Its okay to think about the lottery, it doesnt make me sad about not winning it because cmon- its the lottery after all. But its my way of coping.
Im waiting for the day where these emotions are long gone, where the thought of him are all gone and where i can control my emotions better without having mini panic attacks driving home from work in despair.
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